Are you angry? That is awesome!

Nandita Kochar

As he shuts the door of his boss’s office, memories of the boss screaming at him are still afresh in his mind - “How could you do this, Ayan? This was such an important task! How could you make such a big error? You fool!”. As Ayan  replays the scene in his head, his fists get tightened, jaws become clenched, body starts to sweat & heart beat becomes rapid. Ayan is, what we call, angry.

Now there are a couple of ways in which Ayan can deal with his anger. He can control it, suppress it or transform it. And what happens when you suppress a certain thing? The direction of its movement changes: the anger which otherwise was going out, starts going in. It’s bad for the anger to move within, because that means your whole system will be poisoned by it. And then if you go on doing this for a long time, this poison goes deeper and deeper into the unconscious, and then it becomes a constant thing within you.

Then it is not a question of your being angry sometimes and sometimes not -- you are simply angry all the time. Now there are no moments when you are not angry; at the most, sometimes you are less angry, sometimes more. Your whole being is poisoned by suppression.

Why? Why does a human suppress so much and become unhealthy? Because society teaches you to control, not to transform, and the way of transformation is totally different.

In controlling you repress, in transformation you express. But there is no need to express on somebody else because if you throw it on somebody else, a chain or a ripple is created, because the other person most likely will pass on the anger just like you did. So if Ayan were to transform his anger, he would run around the office seven times, and after it sit under a tree and watch where the anger has gone. He has not controlled it, he has not thrown it on somebody else. He has simply transformed it, expressed it via the act of running.

Think of anger like mental vomit. You don’t suppress vomit, you don’t throw up on somebody else. You simply go to the washroom and vomit. And after you have, you will feel fresh, unburdened and healthy.

Ayan went for a run to express his anger. He could also take a pillow and beat the pillow until his hands and teeth were relaxed. He could even write a poem about the entire experience.

Based on scientific studies of the energy associated with human emotions, anger calibrates at a higher energy level than hopelessness, apathy, or despair. So the next time anger surfaces, let it drive you to take positive action and to change the unpleasant circumstances in your life. Let your anger be transformed.

Anger also provides you with a unique opportunity to understand yourself better. Ayan’s boss insulting him made Ayan realise how much he values respectful and meaningful communication. Chances are the next time Ayan speaks to his junior, he will address him/her with utmost respect.

And lastly, in some cases, anger teaches us acceptance. The world will always derail a bit, people will not always be nice to us, meetings will not go how we wanted, keys will get lost, trains will get delayed. And it's time Ayan learns to accept the sudden defeat of his expectations, it's time for him to take things as they are. And step on his sudden expectations, if needed.

However, if you find your anger controlling you too much, paralysing you in some cases, then we, at Happy Ho, are there to help!