When you are overwhelmed by your suffering, try to inspire yourself by " bringing the mind home". One of the most powerful methods I have found to soothe and dissolve sorrow is to go into nature, and especially to stand and contemplate by a waterfall and let your tears and grief pour out of you and purify you, like the water flowing down. Or you could read a moving text on impermanence or sorrow and let its wisdom bring you solace.
To accept and end grief is possible. One way that many people have used and found helpful is a variation on the method for completing unfinished business. No matter how long ago your loved one died, you will find this most effective.
Visualise that all the buddhas and enlightened beings are in the sky above and around you, shining down their rays of compassionate light and giving you their support and blessing. In their presence grieve and say what you have to say what is really in your heart and mind, to your loved one who has died.
Visualise that the person who is dead is looking at you with a greater love and understanding than he or she ever had while alive. Know that the dead person wants you to understand that he or she loves you and forgives you for whatever you may have done and wants to ask for and receive your forgiveness.
Allow your heart to open and put into words any anger, any feelings of hurt, you may have been harbouring, and let go of them completely. With your whole heart and mind, let your forgiveness go out towards the dead person. Tell him or her of your forgiveness, tell him or her of the regrets you feel for all the pain you may have caused.
Now feel with your whole being his or her forgiveness and love streaming towards you. Know in the depths of yourself that you are loveable and deserved to be forgiven and feel your grief dissolved.
At the end of the practice ask yourself if you can now truly say farewell and really let go of the person. Imagine the person turning and leaving and then conclude by doing the Phowa, or another practice for helping the dead.
This practice will give you the chance of showing your love once more, doing something to help the person who has died, and completing and healing the relationship in your heart.
