Device, Disease And Disconnection: Three White Elephants In The Room Of Interactions Today

An expectant woman sitting across the table from a well-heeled man at a fancy restaurant; a young man excitedly pitching his business plan to a seasoned investor; a child looking up at their parent with stars in their eyes, just waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for that moment where the wall drops and the divide dissipates, but it doesn't. The chasm keeps increasing. This is the typical scenario of human engagement today.

This is what digital warfare is doing to relationships. Device, disease and disconnection are the three white elephants in the room of interactions today.

"Relationships have always struggled the moment there was the slightest hint of a disconnect between the people involved. The reasons for the disconnect have varied over the ages. However, the latest addition to that list is the current addiction of people to gadgets or devices. Without realizing we have become so hooked on to our phones that it doesn't even occur to us that we are doing it excessively and at the cost of other things, including the relationships that matter to us," highlighted psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh.

The most alarming thing that he shared is, "That most of us don't even realize that we are 'addicted' to our phones. This is leading to a whole range of physical problems particularly those related to the musculoskeletal system and vision as well as increased possibilities of accidents."

The effects are at multiple levels. "At a psychological level, the damage is far more and intangible. People are unable to go anywhere without their phones, they are unable to resist the urge to keep checking the phone every few minutes, they are unable to focus on the reality around or inside them because they are lost in the virtual reality. Just like an addict, they have all sorts of excuses to justify how their behaviour is a necessity and not an addiction," he pointed out.
Relationships are suffering tremendously, with the offender oblivious to the extent of the damage they are doing to the relationship and individual they are perpetuating this negligence against.

"This addiction is causing damage that is unparalleled. We now hear of terms that have been coined especially for ignoring a partner due to excessive focus on the phone - phubbing = phone+snubbing. People are fast forgetting the value of the real interaction. The world of texts is creating a false reality where people have unreal expectations (eg. I should get an immediate reply) and misunderstandings abound since texts are just verbal whereas the meaning actually gets conveyed through the non-verbals like eye-contact, tone, touch, and body language. The levels of anticipatory rejection and insecurity among partners are at an all-time high," explained Dr Chugh.

 "We are perpetually connected to other people through our devices. Self-contentment doesn't match up to the validation we receive from others on digital platforms. We are all too often not present in the moment, whether on vacation, at a concert, or at dinner with a friend; rather, we are eager to project that moment for others to see. Increased use of devices is associated with inefficient time-management and lower educational and career outcomes. It also impacts the quality of social interactions. It is only when we disconnect from our devices that we can truly connect with people and places physically around us or channel our abilities in a productive manner," shared psychologist Nitika Gupta of Mpower.

Today there are custom curated experiences where people are forced to get away from their gadgets, in order to have "real experiences." Usually at a premium. Imagine a premium for disconnection?

In Dr Chughs the clinic, he tailors gadget-free interactions for couples and even for families. There are new couple and family rules being formed such as no-phone-dinner dates, and no phones on the dining table. He works on role-plays in the session with clients where they have an actual conversation while they look at each other and the phones are not around. This is followed by them rating the experience of this conversation particularly in terms of satisfaction, feeling heard, understood and connected.

At the end of the day whether you are a baron, businessman or a bartender ultimately you just want to be seen and heard.