It is always a challenge to cope up with pressure the hospitalisation of our loved ones. It becomes even more complexed when the loved one has some terminal illness and we know that chances of survival is bleak. I recall a incidence narrated by Sogyal Rinofriend of mine, who had just graduated from a famous medical school, started work at one of the larger London hospitals. On her very first day on the ward, four or five people died. It was a terrible shock for her;nothing in her training had equipped her to deal with it at all. Is not this astonishing, considering she was being trained to be a doctor? One old man was lying on his bed, staring at the wall. He was alone, with no family or friends to visit him and he was desperate for someone to talk to. She went over to him. His eyes filled with tears and his voice trembled as he asked her the last question she expected to hear: "Do you think God will ever forgive me for my sins?" my friend had no idea at all how to respond; her training had left her completely unprepared for any spiritual questions. She had nothing to say; or she had to hide behind was her professional status as a doctor. There was no chaplain close by, so she just stood there, paralysed, unable to answer her patients desperate call for help and for reassurance about the meaning of his life.
She asked me, in her pain and bewilderment: " what would you have done?" I said to her I would have sat by his side, held his hand, and let him talk. I have been amazed again and again by how, if you just let people talk, giving them you complete and compassionate attention, they will say things of surprising spiritual depth, even when they think they don't have any spiritual beliefs. Every one has their own life wisdom and when you let a person talk you allow this life wisdom to emerge. I have often been very moved by how you can help people to help themselves by helping them to discover their own truth, A truth whose richness, sweetness and profundity they may never have suspected. The sources of healing and awareness are deep within each of us and you task is never under any circumstances to impose your beliefs but unable them to find these within themselves.
Believe as you sit by the dying person that you are sitting by someone who has the true potential to be a Buddha. Imagine their buddha nature as a shining and stainless mirror and all their pain and anxiety a thin, grey mist on it that can quickly clear. This will help you to see them as loveable and forgivable and draw out of your unconditional love, you will find this attitude will allow the dying person to open remarkably to you.
