How anxiety related to desire? It seems easier to see that one is desiring than to see that one is anxieting? Yes, It is easier to see that one is desiring because this what you are doing. Anxiety is not something that you are doing; you are born in it. It has nothing to do with your doing. You are born as anxiety! that is why it is difficult to see - one reason.
And the second reason: you don't want to look at it. It is scary. One feels one will go mad. It is better to avoid it, to keep it at the back, never to encounter it.
It happens every day.
One very beautiful man took Sanyaas a few months ago. He has been a con man. The moment I looked into his eyes he became afraid of me. I said, what kind of con man are you? now I am going to con you. I gave him a few groups - he escaped without those groups. He became so frightened ! for months nothing was heard about him.
Than he send his lawyer to watch here - a con man is a con man - to find out " what is really happening here? is it ok to get into things?" The lawyer came here he watched. He must have reported that " there is nothing to fear, you can go." He gathered courage and came back.
And I told him, you are a coward. What kind of con man have you been? and this time don't try to escape. And I gave him a few groups again - and he disappeared!
Now I have received a letter from Singapore he says, " Osho, I am reading your books here and listening to your tapes but I became so much afraid because you have given me these groups again - and I will have to expose all the rubbish that I am carrying within myself. I have to expose my whole being. I will have to be nude and true and authentic, and that frightens me. But I will come ......I am reading, I am listening, I am gathering courage again and I will come."
It happens to many people: I give them groups; one day, two days, and they escape from the group. It becomes too much. What fear arises? the fear of exposure. Not that they will be exposed to others: the fear basically is that " I will be exposed to myself, " that I will have to see what I have been hiding all along. And once you have known it, it will be impossible to hide it again.
That is why before I tell you to meditate I send you into primal therapy, into encounter - I send you different groups. So that the first thing: your cover is taken away; you are left naked, spiritually naked. Then meditation becomes easier because meditation is nothing but to be with yourself in your totality.
