How To Handle Rejection
Your project not getting approval, not being hired for a job, not getting a promotion you hoped for, being excluded from a social group, or ending of relationship by your partner. All these situations can make you feel rejected. Rejection hurts. Being turned down can feel painful. While each rejection form may be different from the other, it is important to approach rejection as events that play a significant role in shaping your attitude and beliefs about self and others around you.
How Rejection Affects You
Each individual responds differently given that they have varied emotional sensitivity to a negative experience. Neuroscience has shown that emotional reaction of pain to rejection can be very similar to physical pain. The anger or hurt in “How can they do this” for not being valued or accepted can be hard to deal with. Hence, feeling rejected can trigger a whole range of unpleasant emotions that is directed towards self and the other.
On the other end, one may get into the negative thought pattern of de-valuing and blaming oneself, one’s abilities or questioning self-worth. Lived experience may further exasperate, the ‘perceived’ sense of rejection due to a lack of self-confidence and unfavorable comparisons from various environmental influences. If the cycle continues and the recovery is longer, not only can it impinge upon the overall self-esteem, but also lead to feeling less hopeful about the future and impacts mental health.
What can you do to bounce back?
You cannot snap out of a difficult experience without having an emotional response to it. However, taking a constructive approach to the situation can allow you to alleviate the impact, bounce back and even harness your strengths to keep moving forward. Here are some ways:
1. Acknowledge your emotions: It can be quite hard to be in an unpleasant emotional space. As a result, one tries to push them away to move on faster. Feeling vulnerable and weak can often evoke shame and guilt for not being able to get rid of the state sooner and get back to life. Therefore, most tend to feel restless to quickly cross over. Give yourself time to process your emotions. Validate them. Empathize with your feelings. It allows space for an objective perspective.
2. Recognise the ‘misfit’: If you are not hired for a job, it’s not because you don’t have the competence, if your partner leaves the relationship, its not because there is something wrong with you. What is essential to recognize is the element of misfit that can exist for both parties. You both may be good individuals but not compatible with each other or you may not have been the right fit for the job or vice-versa.
3. Learn from the experience: If you take every rejection personally, it will sabotage your self-esteem and if you fret about the world being unfair, it will make you resentful. Take a step back for a holistic view of the situation, rather than being overly critical by getting into the details that can trigger a ruminative pattern of ‘why me’ or ‘my failures’, that can often fixate you in the past. In life, there are no failures only opportunities to learn and grow.
4. Maintain self-belief: Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and keep working on them. Your values and belief in yourself will provide you with the anchoring to accept, reflect and move ahead with courage.
5. Practice self-compassion: When you practice self-compassion, you are learning to be non-judgmental, kind and mindfully aware of the shortcomings. It helps you to build understanding and acceptance towards yourself. This also allows you to feel more socially connected and enhances your relational well-being which can be difficult given that rejection can often lead to isolation and loneliness.
6. Build support systems: Surround yourself with people who are there to support you and are your pillar of strength. Your loved ones play a huge role in ensuring your well-being. Turn towards them when you feel down in the dumps. Talk, express and take a dose of positivity from their support and learn from their experiences.
7. Choose to focus on the positives: It is not always easy to swiftly move from the negative impact of such experiences. It would require you to take the conscious effort to look at the good and positives that continue to exist in your life regardless. Be grateful for the good and be patient with hardships.
8. Seek help: While rejections are part of life, there are times when negative experiences can impact your mental health. Identify the signs and do not hesitate to seek help from a professional.
About the author: Mimansa Singh Tanwar, Clinical Psychologist, Head School Mental Health, Fortis National Mental Health Program
