Overcoming the Obstacles to Peace and Happiness in Family Life 

Shuddhaanandaa Brahmachari

In a family there are any number of people, each one has different conditions, likes, dislikes, expectations and aspirations. All of them are trying to make sure their needs and expectations are met, that they get the focus and attention they need.

For example, the husband might think he should be given the utmost respect because he works outside the home and supports his family.  The wife believes that she is the glue that holds the family together, doing all the mundane household chores and taking care of the kids. She is exhausted, and yet he still wants to be boss.

The kids think that all Mom and Dad do is try to impose things on them, that it is always do this, do that.  The small kids will bear with this for a while, because they are powerless. By the time they are teens, however, they show their rage. They feel repressed, because the parents didn’t take their individuality and opinions, or the past karmas the child brought to this world, into account.  No child comes into this world to fit the preconceptions of its parents. They come with predispositions, to go through their own karmas or life lessons.

So everyone in the family keeps on clashing, meeting on points of disagreement rather than on points of agreement. And it does not stay in the home. The husband takes his discontent to the workplace, the kids take it to school and the wife talks with her friends.  And the virulent energy spreads. No one does his or her best because of the stress at home.  Or something goes wrong in the workplace or school and they bring the negativity home where they flare at someone in the family, when it has nothing to do with them.  It’s a work or school problem they brought home.

One family member flares up one day and it goes into his or her memory.  Another one flares up another day and it goes into his or her memory. Gradually everyone’s unconscious is identifying things they don’t like, until there is a division in the family.

A Simple Solution

In a family the members don’t come under one roof accidentally, they all come to be together for they have a karmic connection. It is one place where souls come to be together to pay off their past debts. There are times of joy and jubilations and there are patches of misunderstanding and conflicts. Understanding the law of karma is important for that can enlighten our path to be more patient, empathetic and loving. These are human qualities that can bind us together and while we can always convince ourselves that no one is perfect instead of seeing the negative in others if we all resolve to sit together and decide the way we move together toward a life of peace and prosperity, then it becomes a family commitment and then it is a sadhana for the whole family.

As such is it not true that there is no better place to evolve to a holy life than being a householder and learning the difficult lessons to move through all the rollercoaster of family life? This is the only place where we have the biggest obstacles of life and this is the place where we learn the deepest life lessons first hand and evolve to a householder sannyasi, a recluse inside and dynamic outside.

We may need to remember that our family may not recognize our efforts and give us words of appreciation for all of our sacrifices, time, energy, love and forgiveness. No. Our family may not give us recognition. But every act of unconditional love, every time we try to serve anyone, it cannot go unregistered by the Universe.

The Universe accepts everything. God accepts everything and keeps it in reserve. When the time is ripe, we can draw on all that has been deposited.  We lose nothing. Our family may not have accepted our efforts, but we lose nothing. Our bank balance has grown. Tomorrow we can draw any amount out of it, because our good deeds are there.  As we sow, so we reap.  We have sown the seeds of sacrifice, love, compassion, and forgiveness.  We have sown the seeds by which the Divine will be pleased. And in addition, as we change and are more loving and accepting, the energy in our family will shift and we will notice more smiles, love and appreciation are being shared. Try it; it works!