Toxic Masculinity - “Boys will be boys, Real men don’t cry, Man up”
These stereotypes are so strong in society that it attacks young boys from the age of 6 onwards. In my own home, where there is absolutely no gender bias, a home where we celebrate expression, I’ve seen my child restraining his tears, choking on his pain because he was emotionally upset about a situation that he had to interact in.
Society has set harmful stereotypes. We must begin to stray away from this regressive idea of ‘masculinity’ and toward redefining the term to promote the betterment of emotional and physical health. Due to the stigma that surrounds ‘emotional men’, people are reluctant to open up about their struggles. This structure of society that promotes the idea that men who are emotionally expressive, are ‘weak’, or are perceived as ‘gay’ is extremely toxic and needs to stop.
You are human, and human beings have expression.
It is important for men to be given access to express. I find, in therapy, that most men have never really spoken their hearts out. Most of them don’t remember crying in their adult life. Some of them are so overwhelmed when through therapy, in the process of catharsis, they are shocked at themselves for breaking down in tears. Pent up emotions add stress on both the mind and the body and one needs to weave into their lives a counselor or a life coach who they can meet on a bi-monthly basis to talk to.
As a therapist, practising in Mumbai, I’ve found that people say, “we talk to our friends and family.” But a 2018 study of relationships for the Movember Foundation states that nearly half of men (47 per cent) feel they are unable to confide in friends about their problems, while almost a third (27 per cent) reported they simply did not have any close friends. Additionally, this patriarchal society puts immense pressure on the men to have things in control. Women too are brought up with the expectations that the husbands have certain things under control. These start from practicalities such as a stable career, roof over one’s head and food on the table, to being emotionally in control and an involved father.
Being the breadwinner is extremely stressful for men, given the slowdown of the economy and the rise in the standard of living, coupled with the family demands influenced by peer pressure and social media, men strive to meet unending demands of their wife, children and ageing parents, causing stressors to develop around financial, emotional and physical relationships.
Often the stress leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Studies have shown that men have a higher prevalence rate for substance abuse as compared to their female counterparts. Additionally, according to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, men are more likely to die by suicide than women.
According to me, this could possibly be attributed to the fact that it is harder for males to admit their shortcomings, and their emotional concerns leading them to avoid therapy. This clear reluctance deepens the mental health challenges that they face.
It is important to open channels for dialogue and to provide a man with a safe space to communicate.
Be a crusader and stop this toxic masculinity that exists today,
