Love happens only when you are mature. You become capable of loving only when you are a grown-up. When you know that love is not a need but an overflow: being-love or gift-love, then you give without any conditions.
The first kind, the so-called love, derives from a person's deep need for another, while 'gift-love' or 'being-love' flows or overflows from one mature person to another out of abundance; one is flooded with it.
You have it and it starts moving around you, just as when you light a lamp, rays start spreading into the darkness.
Love is a by-product of being. When you ARE, you have the aura of love around you. When you are not, you don't have that aura around you. And when you don't have that aura around you, you ask the other to give love to you. Let it be repeated: When you don't have love, you ask the other to give it to you; you are a beggar.
And the other is asking you to give it to him or to her. Now, two beggars spreading their hands before each other, and both are hoping that the other has it... Naturally both feel defeated finally, and both feel cheated.
You can ask any husband and any wife, you can ask any lover: they both feel cheated; it was your projection that the other had it. If you have a wrong projection, what can the other do about it?
Your projection has been broken; the other did not prove according to your projection, that's all. But the other has no obligation to prove his being according to your expectations.
And you have cheated the other... that is the feeling of the other, because the other was hoping that love would be flowing from you. You both were hoping love would be flowing from the other, and both were empty. How can love happen? At the most you can be miserable together.
Before, you used to be miserable alone, separate, now you can be miserable together. And remember, whenever two persons are miserable together, it is not a simple addition, it is a multiplication.
Alone you were feeling frustrated, now together you feel frustrated. One thing is good about it in that now you can throw the responsibility on the other: the other is making you miserable -- that is the good point. You can feel at ease. 'Nothing is wrong with me... the other... What to do with such a wife -- nasty, nagging?'
One has to be miserable. 'What to do with such a husband? -- ugly, a miser. 'Now you can throw the responsibility on the other; you have found a scapegoat. But misery remains, becomes multiplied.
Now this is the paradox: those who fall in love don't have any love, that's why they fall in love. And because they don't have any love, they cannot give.
And one thing more: an immature person always falls in love with another immature person, because only they can understand each other's language. A mature person loves a mature person. An immature person loves an immature person.
You can go on changing your husband or your wife a thousand and one times, you will again find the same type of woman and the same misery repeated in different forms -- but the same misery repeated; it is almo…
