Keep The Wellbeing Of Your Bond With Retired Parents
Retirement often brings unexpected impacts on one's life through relationships, either between couples or with children. This is the time when many bonds either break up or build more strength.
For parents, strengthening their relationship with their adult children may be one of the most important retirement responsibilities. Having a strong, loving, open and communicative relationship with children enriches life and is the ultimate milestone on the path of parenthood. Similarly, even the children must have the onus to stay close to their parents while their retirement so that they don't feel any kind of shortage.
AiR - Atman in Ravi, Spiritual leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realisation and AiR Center of Enlightenment said, "Ideally, children should be of assistance to their parents at the time of their retirement but there can be various circumstances where this may not happen."
Parents Need Children The Most During Retirement
We often see that when parents are about to retire, that is the time they need their children beside them the most but the children are often either studying outside or working. Therefore, they have no time to assist their retiring parents.
Money and age are sensitive issues. So adult children should bring up the topic of their parents' retirement when they can have a peaceful, rational, and personal conversation about their plans for the future.
As the world has gone almost digital, everything is worked out through online methods. Here is where parents from old generations suffer issues learning or understanding digitisation. During retirement, parents can completely trust and rely on for understanding and accomplishing paperwork, procedures and schemes, but it depends on the bond between the parents and children and how they support and help those in need. Children should keep their parents' documents such as bank accounts, insurance policies, wills, pensions, etc updated so that they don't face any problems in the future.
"If the children are still studying or maybe struggling to build their career, earning and paying off their loans, then they may find it difficult or be unable to support their parents at such a time. It all depends on the relationship the parents build with their children. The stronger the bond, the more will be love and respect in the relationship. Sometimes, when parents build a strong bond and support their child from a young age, then the child feels the closeness and a sense of responsibility towards them. But if the parents were unable to give their time and attention to their child in the formative years, then the bond will not be built and it will affect the relationship, later in life," said AiR Atman in Ravi.
How To Cope Up Loneliness After Retirement
There is difficulty switching off from work mode and relaxing, especially in the first few weeks or months of retirement for a person.
People have fear of spending less money while spending more time and can find it difficult to fill the extra time with meaningful activities. In such a situation, parents often feel lonely because they have no work and no one to spend time with.
AiR Atman in Ravi said, "While it is natural for aged parents to feel lonely after retirement, they should never really retire in their lives. Retirement is the wrong word. People should have a ‘reform-meant, a reformation in life-changing the path and course of their actions. Instead of sitting idle and doing nothing, after a certain age, one can indulge in charitable work and help and guide others with their knowledge and experience."
After parents' retirement, children should consider involving siblings and other relatives. Or at least tell them about their plans to gather facts about their parents' financial future. A trusted financial professional can also be an educated, unbiased resource to guide conversations, ease tensions, and keep things on track.
Even if children are not staying with their parents due to work or studies, they could spend some time in conversation with them every day. This will keep the parents engaged in communication and make them not feel lonely.
Some tips on how people after retirement may cope with their loneliness:
• Accepting the change is the easiest way to start a new aspect of life
• Keep some finances and savings for your future needs
• Take regular health check-ups and medicines on time when necessary
• Indulge yourself in exercises, yoga and meditation to keep up with your wellbeing
• Make new associates or company to spend time with
• Keep the conversation with family members and children alive
Bonds Likely To Deteriorate Post-retirement
The relationship and bond between parent and child are one of the first and most important relationships in the world. Like any relationship, the parent-child bond also has its ups and downs.
We often come to see or hear that post-retirement, parents and children have conflicts with bitter arguments or negative behaviour.
AiR Atman in Ravi said, "The relationship between aged parents and their children will deteriorate if there is a lack of time and understanding because then, there is no strong bond between them. The bond between the two depends on what the parents did for their children and also how the children have grown up, their values, principles and morals. There may be instances where the parents do everything for their children but the children don’t care for their parents in return. Contrary to those, there may also be instances where the parents may have done nothing exemplary for their children but the children believe that they should do everything possible for their parents."
As the relationships between aged parents and their adult children get ruined due to lack of time and understanding, communication plays a key role in resolving all the conflicts. Parents after getting retired, lack work and get time abundance which sometimes makes them irritable. They might feel a burden if they live at their children's expense. Therefore, when children cannot make time out from their life to even ask about the wellbeing of their parents, chances are likely to development of misunderstandings, conflicts and arguments.
In such cases, children taking on the responsibility of the relationship should try to resolve any conflict and clear the misunderstandings with their retired parents. Post-retirement, many aged people also face health issues. This is the time when children should be near them to take care of them and make the bond strong.
Can Children Be With Their Parents Without Being Present There?
In the world of competition and busy schedules, everyone has their work life which itself is essential for one's career. Along with this, one must learn to balance life between work and family. It may happen that children and parents are not residing together in the same house or the same city. Still, there can be some methods when the children can make their parents feel their presence in life.
"If children truly love their parents, they would respect them as divine beings. Every child needs to see God in their parents. And if they don’t, then they would not respect them. With love and respect, distance will not matter for maintaining a beautiful and fulfilling relationship with the ageing parents, especially in this modern age when everything is on a palm top and at the click of a button," said AiR Atman in Ravi.
He said that one of how children can strengthen their bond with their parents is by constantly keeping in touch through audio and video calls and messages through so many available applications, nowadays.
Some tips on how children can be with their parents even not being physically present:
• Keep the communication going through any mode
• Visits to parents are important at least on vacations or during festivals
• Send gifts, tokens of love or needful things to parents on an occasional basis
• Be available when urgently needed
• Ask associates or close friends to help parents when something important
• Take care of parents' every needing facility
• Spend time out with them or cook for them sometimes when having off from work
• Ensure them that you are there to help whenever needed
