Caring For The Dying
This story may make us smile and help us realize the truth that Death is a natural part of life and it will come one day. Yet ‘to die’ is not something each one has in our bucket list! Sometimes death may come to us suddenly sparing us the suffering but most of the times this is not the case. The journey to death can be painful because of illness and more painful because of our own conditioning that dying is unpleasant.
This article explores how something like dying which is such a natural part of life can be met with kindness, care and compassion thereby helping someone pass on in a dignified way.
The Dalai Lama says ‘when we are small we need the kindness and support of our adults to grow and when we are old we again the need the kindness and support of others, so keeping this in mind we need to be kind and compassionate to others when we are young adults too’.
One day all of us will grow old and face the journey to death. Death may come suddenly or we may die through a prolonged illness. After someone passes away we tend to the body, have rituals for the soul to rest in peace, decorate the graveyard with flowers so on and so forth. But have we wondered if the same kind of care could have been given to that person while he was nearing death? Hmm… a powerful question and my response to that is yes, we can at least try!
I recollect that a few days before my grandmother passed away she wished to see me. When I visited her in the hospital I saw her frail body struggling to take breaths, her breath was long and deep. She was battling Pneumonia. I took her hand into mine and held it gently like holding a newborn baby. I felt the touch of her wrinkled skin, the veins and nerves. Yes, it was old age and a silent truth dawned on me, yes I too shall become old one day. My eyes were moist and I smiled at her reassuring her that I was there by her side. She wanted to say something but her condition made it impossible for her to speak. I caressed her forehead and gave her peck. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and opened them. My breath was in sync with hers, long and deep. As I stood by her bedside I noticed that a part of me was sad but a part of me also wished to make it less painful for her. I couldn’t do anything medically because I was not an expert and she was already looked after by the doctors and nurses; nonetheless, I could offer her my presence, care and compassion. I was simply there for her by not trying to save her or trying to make her feel better but was truly there for her in body and mind. Though there was sadness there was also a sense of peace. She passed away in a few days hopefully with less pain.
As I write this article 6 years since my grandmother passed away I realize how deeply her suffering through her prolonged illness touched me. It helped me realize that one day I could be in her condition and I would like to be cared for during my final days. Having said that I understand that caring for the dying may not come easily for most of us but a practice such as Mindfulness can give us the strength and resilient mind to care. The strength and groundedness with which I could care for my grandmother without being overwhelmed with my own emotions are because of my extensive training and practice in Mindfulness.
Mindfulness practice helps us understand and accept the realities of life while facing them with a resilient, caring and compassionate mind. I feel Mindfulness needs to become an integral part of Palliative and Hospice Care. This practice is hope for all those wishing to care for the dying and suffering.
I feel it’s time for us to start looking at dying with an open heart and mind so that it is less painful for us and for the person we are caring for. I’m positive that it will help us to not only live well but also die well.
